#9 Mini-Things

Above is the image of a "mini" or "teacup" Chinese Imperial (a.k.a. Shih Tzu). For those who don't know, Asians like "mini" and "teacup" sized objects. According to the National Association of Frat Boy Scientists, the reason for this preference is the same reason they offer for all preferences: phallic characteristics. Stay with me... Cultures model useful items in accordance with the defining characteristic of the male genitalia in the particular culture. All designs are inspired by and modeled after the proportions and characteristics of the genitalia.



For Westerners, items such as film cameras or pasta are symbolic of the genitalia: above average length, probing nature (zoom function on film camera), and susceptible to limp noodle syndrome (spaghetti). For East Asians, there is nothing definitive about the genitalia except the size. In other words, "mini" is the sole and defining characteristic. Whether the Frat Boy Scientists are correct or not, the results can't be denied. East Asia is obsessed with "mini" and "teacup" sized items:

Mini-feet a.k.a. bound feet
Teacup Dogs
Mini-discs
Short-grain rice
Asian gymnasts
Scooters
Plastic Miniatures
Mini-Penis a.k.a. Asian Fertilizer

P.S. The dog is ning's new friend, Gizmo, and it took a dump in my Scottie Pippen Flights today.

#1 Walls a.k.a. Cubicles

Since Qin Shi Huang Di decided to begin work on The Great Wall in the 5th Century BC, Asians, and especially Chinese People, have become infatuated with Walls. Originally, the purpose of the Great Wall was to keep out Barbarians, but now, it serves as inspiration for another Asian hobby: Photography.Today, Asians still feel the need to insulate personal genius while blocking out barbaric glances into their exotic world. In response, many smaller walls have been erected to defend against the modern barbarians' ever-advancing attempts at infiltration. The most noticeable variety is of course: cubicles.


The cubicle is to modern warfare i.e. ladder climbing, what the Great Wall was to siege defense. Cubicles allow Asians to work quickly, quietly, and under cover. While others congregate around water coolers talking about distractions such as sports, romance (Asians respect family, but not romance or women), or weekends, Asians find refuge in cubicles because they are a strong defense to social interaction. Whether a result of language barriers or just straight forward dislike of other humans, Asians prefer to live in their work leaving only infrequently for meals not involving protein such as vegetable egg rolls or beef FLAVORED instant noodles. Asians see no value in social interaction or barbarian culture preferring instead to focus at the task at hand and hiding their genius.