Friday, April 4, 2008

#27 Prodigies

What better way to transition from Wu-Tang than prodigies? Naw, not that Prodigy, but while we're on the topic, hold it down in the mess hall for me homie!

While some of my Asian brethren rep the Prodigy from Mobb Deep, most Asians favor child prodigies like Abigail Sin (above) and white people love writing about it. Check out Time Magazine and Andrew Marshall's feature on "Small Wonders"

There are 10 year old MCSE programmers, 13 year old pro golfers, 3 year old ping pong players, and 15 year old PHD's. There's three sides to the humorous phenomenon every Asian loves:

1) It's funny to get your ass kicked in ping pong by some Asian chick with sponge bob glasses that can't see over the table.

2) Intense people are entertaining. When I'm around intense people, I like watching them bug out over something like "I CAN'T PLAY 5 OCTAVES!!! MY HAND IS TOO SMALL!" Word, I can't drink 6 beers, my enzymes are too small, cry me a river!

3) When white people see Asian Prodigies, they either want to adopt them because they're so cute and well spoken or they want to Image Map their brains to figure out how soy sauce and green tea helped these baby geniuses so they can prevent the inevitable Asian Invasion. Once they figure it out, Vitamin Water's gonna come out with Green Soy: A day's worth of antioxidants and sodium to make you a crazy asian piano playing prodigy as well! No thanks, I'll drink Formula 50 cause I want to drive green lambos like FITTY and spray the AR to make your whole crew break dance. "Get a tan, I'm already black, rich, I'm already that!"

But, back to Asians. While we love watching little people doing crazy adult things, it's really not worth the grind. These kids lose their childhood years practicing their skills with every waking hour. And, they don't have the creativity to catch up with the technical skills they develop. By the time they master the skills, they ain't got the source experiences to take it to the next level. I remember my mom tried to get some baby genius out of me, making me practice things like piano, violin, math, and being Chinese, but I wasn't havin' it. I went outside to kick my neighbor's cat and door to door sell them shit they didn't need so I could use the points for remote control cars. This whole Asian Prodigy thing is a new phenomenon, can't we just go back to drinking at tea houses and scrapping with dudes that use different kung fu forms (Tiger vs. Mantis)? Kids should be outside shooting each other with water guns, eating boogers, and pretending to be WWF wrestlers. Jake the Snake vs. Rick the Model Martel, it ain't that hard to keep it real people!

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george said...

i think it's wwe now. and rick flair retired last week. woooooooooooooooo!

Anonymous said...

oh honestly your blog is so sour, you could make a pool of lemonade. im asian, and i spent my childhood practising piano and going to tutoring centres, and i don't think for a bit that i lost my childhood! now,15 years old, i go to a selectively academic school and recently was awarded my diploma in piano! asians know how to raise their children correctly with discipline. i haven't lost fun times, i have friends and i think your blog is stereotypical and unkind. it's because of people like you that others think it's fine to judge. i love my life, i have achieved more than many people ever will and it's all due to my loving parents. also, on another note, who said we lost our creativity? rant over.