Monday, March 31, 2008

#22 Pushing and Shoving


Asians are frequently portrayed as docile, obedient, meditative people. Apparently, we're model minorities. Girls are silent Geishas and guys are "yes men" who work twice as fast for half the price. Well, NEWS FLASH for you people responsible for updating stereotypes, GO TO Chinatown, Koreatown, Woodside, or your local Hmong Reservation. You won't see any docile Asians meditating or counting green tea leaves. What you will see are a bunch of grimy yellow folk pushing, shoving, and elbowing the shit out of each other.

The Pushing Fever leaves no one untouched. From kids to grandparents, everyone participates in the melee. You'll see a businessman hitting some businesswoman with his briefcase and she'll stick her heels into his calves. You look at your watch and it's 6pm Wednesday Night, WHERE THE HELL COULD THEY BE GOING? Asians are always pushing without a cause heading as fast as they can to places that never close, like Bamn!, the Japanese vending machine on St. Marks that Asians are always pushing to get in front of.

Go into any local Pinkberry. Just try it. Even if there's no line, some guy with a Goku haircut on a date with his Korean shawty will stick his leg out and trip your ass cause its all part of the game. Trip an Asian from another clan, make your ancestors proud. Get caught set trippin and you get "Bs," fail out of high school, and end up selling man tou on the street until you die of Fukianese Mole-Hair Disease. Everything is inter-connected. One false move and millenia spent building the family name could come crashing down on your fat ass cause you got tripped at Bubble Island trying to get some Taro and Boba. Way to go numnuts.... It's a chinaman eat dog ... I mean asian eat asian world out there and if you don't attack first, you get stir fried.

4 comments:

blizzardzz said...

you left out the old bag ladies on the train fight for THE seat

Ironchef24 said...

they will be addressed in the future, we are going with more general vices and then specific tendencies down the line. thanks for the suggestion, well def do it!

Lisa said...

Hahaha! Loved it! Love the bit about the guy with the Goku haircut and his Korean shawty...

You left out little old Asian grandmothers. Sharp elbows, and if they have those trolley-bags with them kiss goodbye to your toes

Anonymous said...

'grimy yellow folk'. gee thanks.