#11 Karaoke

Karaoke... Everybody likes karaoke, but Asians OBSESS over karaoke, which was invented by a Japanese singer, Daisuke Inoue in the 1970s. Recently in 2004, Daisuke Inoue received the Ig Nobel Peace Prize for his creation, "thereby providing an entirely new way for people to learn to tolerate each other."

Everyone enjoys karaoke, but while most Americans find it campy, Asians revere it. Many Asians have gained local celebrity for their karaoke skills and are even allowed to bypass bringing food to pot lucks because their vocal stylings are enough. These local celebrities commonly sport long, flowing, Jay Chou-ish hair and bedazzled blazers complete with matching singing shoes. Akin to the amazement white people experience when hearing eloquent black men such as Barack Obama, Asians become enthralled when hearing masterful karaoke performances.

Part of this comes from the respect for great vocal talent, but a large part comes from the happiness that overcomes Asians when they hear "proper English". While many of these karaoke masters can't speak a lick of English, they can sing it. Much like the way singing disguises British accents, singing to a tune dissolves any trace of native Engrish in the Asian singer's voice.

But alas, when the clock strikes zero and the song is over, the carriage disappears, the hair loses its bounce, the luster comes off the singing shoes and all is ruined with the first peep of Engrish that comes barreling out of the audience. It takes just one "FRANTASTIC!" to make 5 minutes of perfect English and euphoria to get sucked right out of the room. Within seconds, all participants come back down to Earth. They aren't in New York, they aren't in LA, and that funny looking F.O.B. isn't Paul McCartney. It's Tai Mai Shu.