Thursday, March 20, 2008

#7 Dance Dance Revolution

Asians love DDR because it provides all the essential elements of an Asian Hobby:

1) It is a video game

2) The participant is aided by a lack of height

3) The ability to withstand a barrage of flashing lights and hyper sounds is rewarded

4) There is adequate potential for obsessive compulsive addiction to the activity

5) There is potential for perfection

6) There is a grade given at the end of the activity to indicate performance value

Asians enjoy perfection or at least dedicating their lives to the pursuit of perfection. They believe that the only way to reach this level of perfection or "nirvana" is to be born with OCD. Those not born with OCD are doomed to face a life of mediocrity and happiness, which Asians despise. DDR is like the SAT, for $2 a play, you can re-enforce your superiority over fellow Asians and bring the family pride, respect, and honor.

Before most DDR sessions, Asian mothers feed their children ample carbohydrates (fried rice or meatless dumplings) for energy and brain stimulation. Protein weighs participants down and could lead to turtle heads, so any form of protein is withheld. While the feeding is underway, sisters or grandmothers will prepare the perfect DDR outfit to accompany the performance. There are many potential variations, but the most favored is a bedazzled dim sum waiter's outfit i.e. a vest with sequins and shiny pants. Wardrobing is the yin, dancing is the yang, and carbohydrates are the inner-chi.

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