Thursday, March 20, 2008

#10 Engrish


So what if we speak funny, this is OUR Engrish. Asian languages are frequently tonal and we say what sounds good. Our subject word agreement may be a little bit lacking and the inability to differentiate past from present tense may make comprehension slightly difficult, but hey, we're having more fun with English than you are and we aren't embarrassed that grandma says, "Haro" instead of "hello" or "Brack" instead of "black". If any of you young Asian Americans are embarrassed, GET YOUR MINDS RIGHT and go practice violin before I put my cotton kung-fu shoe up your arse! Smell me??!! Grandma gets to say whatever the hell she wants.

We take pride in adding a little stank to English by replacing "V's" with "B's," "L's" with "R's," "E's" with "A's," and accentuating the first syllable of most words or drawing out the word "HOoooooonnnnnooooooorrrrr".

With Engrish, we like to just get to the point. Police are busy on the F.E.C. (Far East Coast) and there isn't time or patience for conjunctions, articles, or conjugates. Just let us know, "ARE YOU STOLEN?!?"
if you are stolen

Lastly, if you are not Asian and you want to speak Engrish, you're not allowed. Don't wear Engrish t-shirts, don't replace L's with R's, do not ask if I am stolen. I'm ok, you're ok, but mocking my grandma's Engrish is NOT OK.


blizzardzz said...

"all your base are belong to us"

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this post! and proud of my mom's Engrish.

Anonymous said...

are yor vase are berong to us